Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Children Born out of Wedlock

You know I try to set some issues aside, because it just seems like I'm preaching into the wind when I comment about them. This particular issue isn't going away or getting better. I'm frustrated and I need to get it off my chest.
I have a baby shower to go to soon. And I will go, and I will bring a gift. And I will be generous. I feel as if I have to. Someone I care about is having a baby out of wedlock.
If anyone needs generosity, it is an single mother, and I will not turn my back on the needs of a baby. What frustrates me is simply that the largest growing and poorest element of society is made up of single mothers. Single fathers, on the other hand, aren't always held to their responsibilities to their children. There have always been problems with deadbeat fathers prior to this epidemic. And I shouldn't just point at men and say 'it's their fault.' I know enough women who have left their children behind.
I've never been a proponent of teaching only abstinance because it doesn't work. If it did we wouldn't have the number of expectant children that we now have. Boys experience more sexual needs in their teens than later in life. It drives them. It consumes them. They will say anything to get it. Girls, on the other hand, don't want to hurt anyone feelings, particularly if the guy tells her he loves her. Never mind he told at least six other girls the same thing. And I doubt I've ever met a teenager who isn't involunarable. How many times have you heard a boy say, 'But I only did it once." Or "If she did it with me, she's done with everyone else in town. What a whore!" And then there's the girl who finally realizes that some guys say 'I love you,' more often than they burp.
Father/daughter dances and pledges don't cut it. I've seen statistics showing how just as many girls who participated in those programs get pregnant as those who aren't exposed to programs like this. 'Just say no,' isn't enough this time.
It's time to get back to educating kids about how the body works and what happens when you give into your urges. Teenagers, boys and girls, need to know about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They need to know that every other teenager who gets sick or pregnant thought it would never happen to them either. They also need to know that AID's is a long term death sentance. They need to know about condoms that break, and birth control that isn't 100% effective, or even what happens when you forget to take the pill. They also need to know that abortion isn't as easy as it seems. Just like with every other procedure there can be complications. There are emotional issues, and often girls who have abortions get pregnant again before the first year is out.
Let me say this about abortion. I don't like it, but there is a place for it. It should never be used as a method of birth control though.
Girls should listen to other girls who are raising children on their own. And boys should listen to the same girls about how hard it is to raise a child without the father around. Parents need to take a lesson, too. Teenagers have sh... for brains. To say 'my kid wouldn't do that,' doesn't make the problems got away. No matter how many times a parent says 'she's a whore and that isn't my son's child,' doesn't make it so.
I have a friend who tells me, "A marriage liscense is only a piece of paper." Sure it is. But that piece of paper is a legal and emotional tool. When Mom and Dad are married to each other, they might try harder to keep their marriage alive. Positive role models, male and female, are important to children. How parents interact with each other, show their love, share a friendship, communicate, and even how they show their anger teach children about life.
That little piece of paper also reinforces financial support. Here in Illinois, DNA testing is required when a child becomes eligible for State funding unless the parents were married to each other at one time. Then that little piece of paper makes both parents responsible for the upbringing and upkeep of their children.
I pray my children don't make this mistake. If they do, it won't because we never discussed this issue in our home. I certainly won't be happy if their lives and their children's lives become harder because of a child born out of wedlock. I will be there for them, and I will do my best to make my children live up to their responsiblities as parents. Knowing I have grandchildren somewhere, means I will be part of their lives.


Rose said...

Sad but true....still way too many babies born out of wedlock and the parents are so young and unable to financialy take care of a child and mentally still children themselves.

They need to be trained more in schools, home.... regarding protection to avoid having children out of wedlock.

Hugs, Rose

kbear's heart 2 said...

If they stopped educating kids in school about sex, pregnancy and stds, then that was the most stupidest thing to do. i think they should require paternal DNA testing for the baby and enforce the father to provide support regardless of age. maybe then young men will start taking responsibility for their sex drives, among other things. Parents don't always educate their teens about sex and the effects. everyone is responsible for teenage pregnancy. we owe it to the baby...~kbear

marti said...

I agree with you. I think one answer to the problem is to make sure your kids are loved and respected in the home so they respect themselves and others as they grow.This is an issue that troubles me also

~ Lor said...

I couldn't agree with you more. The other thing that bugs me is that insurance companies won't pay for birth control pills which would be much less expensive than having a baby.

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